I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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