If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Dignity is for republicans.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
