How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
