Will you blow on my dice?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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