I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
