tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
