Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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