youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize