so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
