I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
where does the pee come out of this thing
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
