I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i don't like sucking hair
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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