I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
