butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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