Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
