You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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