He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
