ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Farmville is her only friend.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
