Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize