I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
