I wanna bring you to show and tell
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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