i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
