:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
