East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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