Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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