just tell him i said nine months
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
