Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Im part way to drunk.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
