Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
