Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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