dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
