Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
