I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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