The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
