I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
