I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
