Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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