Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
