today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
