A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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