Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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