was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
