I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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