Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
