FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
