well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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