guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
