he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
