he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
