he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize