3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
