please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Randomize
