It's Friday. Sex?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
