If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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