I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
