dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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