I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize