She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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