The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
A+ Viking dick
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
