he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
