I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I need water and some morals
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
