i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
