Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
