Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
