I can't breathe out the right side of my face
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
