he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
