If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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