Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
