Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
