When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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