hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
