butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize