Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
i out mim tonsoeep
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