There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
