I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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