I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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