Who wears a wallet chain?!
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
