youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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