You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
