so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
