In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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