If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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