i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize