Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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