i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
