mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
