Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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