I should be sponsored by Trojan
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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