I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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