I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize