fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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