that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
they're like a gay fantastic four
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
How naked do you want me to be?
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