Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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