I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
