How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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