You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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