dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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