Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
