we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
