I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
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