Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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