I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
