I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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