Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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