Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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