he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
